I don’t have a Valentine

I have never had a Valentine.

What I DO have, however, is 5 practice tests to take, because apparently, in order to renew your license early (mine expires in May and I’m leaving in March), I have to go to the DMV and take the written test again. The one I haven’t thought about since I was 16.

I get 3 tries.

In other news, I am at the 6 week crossroads. Today, I am officially 6 weeks post-op. I had my last check up with the surgeon yesterday. He’s happy with how things look and told me to be sure to show them off when I head down under.

And I head down under in 6 weeks and 2 days.

Six weeks seemed like such a long time when it was sports bras and no exercise and no alcohol (self-imposed), and now it seems like it flew by. So what will this next month and a half feel like?

Right now I feel…excited and overwhelmed with everything still yet to do (travel insurance, health insurance, opening a bank account, booking a hostel, Australianising my résumé, leaving my jobs, PACKING…) and excited and quietly freaking out, yet somehow still calm, because–and I’m not sure if this is faith or delusion–I feel like it’s all going to work out. More than that really: that it’s going to be amazing.

I saw an interview recently with Oprah and Jean Houston.

Jean: … And the hero begins with a call. You were called, were you not? As Dorothy is called to get out of that outmoded situation of dustbowl Kansas. Many people feel a yearning and they say, “I don’t know” — and that is called the refusal of the call. Then, finally, they can’t stand themselves. And sometimes it takes a big event to break them through…. What was your tornado?

OprahMy tornado was leaving Nashville. I felt the yearning to leave Nashville even though everybody said to me, “You’re going to fail out there. It’s going to be tough.” And then particularly, coming to Chicago. Every single person in my life except my best friend, Gayle, said, “You’re going to fail.” I said, “Even if I fail I still have to go, because if I stay here I’m going to be smothered.” Which is exactly what [Joseph Campbell] says in the hero’s journey — which is, if you don’t accept the yearning, you end up dying inside.

I’m not sure what my tornado is yet, but if my faith is delusion, then so be it.



About J.

A former twentysomething with a head full of curls and heart full of questions wondering: when we get to nirvana, will there be food?
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