Me: my life
get to the bbq spot and the manager’s like, “where have you been?? you haven’t been in in forever!”
“i’m sorry…i’m here now though!”
and then he gave me 50% off
as i was driving home, the light turned red as i was approaching so i was slowing to a stop, then it just turned green again like f–k the other cars

Sashi: you might as well be a Jew b/c you are clearly a chosen one