Me: If I met a nice Jewish boy, would it bother you if I converted?
My mother: No. You have to love who you love and live the life you can live.
Me: So would you come over and light the Hanukkah candles??
My mother: I wouldn’t light the candles, but I would come over.
Me: Oh I bet you’d eat my latkes though!
My mother: Yeah, I would.
Me: Well, they’d be cooked in bacon fat, so they wouldn’t be kosher anyway.
My mother: You can’t do that! That’s something that you have to give up!
Me: Oh, Ilan Hall can have the Gorbals but I can’t fry my latkes in bacon fat!!? Whatever.