I thought it would be different

The job I’ve been the most successful at since graduating is the one I never intended to have–until I got back from Canada very much intending to have it, at which point I stopped being successful at it.
So that’s…that.

I have no idea what I’m doing. I only know that the things I try to do don’t work.
It’s not liberating. It’s exhausting.

I don’t have some endless trove of ideas or stamina. I get weighted down. I get discouraged.

I’m not nearly as brave as people think I am. Brave is running into a burning building, not jumping out of one. I don’t do the things I’ve done because I’m fearless; I do them because everything else is on fire.

I think I’ll keep my phone/iChat/Skype off and just listen to this over and over again.

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About J.

A former twentysomething with a head full of curls and heart full of questions wondering: when we get to nirvana, will there be food?
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