for 4 and 3 days, respectively.
A few highlights via status updates:
My grandmother’s skin looks like the epitome of “Black don’t crack.” My skin looks like “…yeah, but it may erode.”
My great-grandmother got a ride here (from the Bay) from some people she knows.
Me, to her as she’s getting out of the car: Did you have a nice ride down?
Her: No. Was with the wrong people.
80+ not giving a f–k
”I can drink whatever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want, how much ever I want!! Am I right, Janae??”–My grandmother to my great-grandmother who questioned her 4 o’clock glass of wine. To be filed under: reasons you know dinner is going to be an event.
Also, ten minutes later, my great-grandma had a glass of wine.
My grandmother had some trouble opening the door.
My mom: Just turn the lock mama! Why are you acting so helpless?
Grandmother: I don’t know nothing ’bout this raggedy door! We don’t have doors like this. We don’t even have a house that a door this raggedy would go in!
(Sunday morning) I am pretending to still be asleep in order to avoid the “Why aren’t you coming to the Kingdom Hall?” interrogation. (“Umm, because Christianity fits me as well as a tube top.”) Bladder threatening to ruin the plan.
We took them to the house of a family I used to work for, that has radiant heating.
Grandma: I’m gonna have to put some socks on in this house! I gotta get that woman’s address and phone number and stay there. Y’all treating people like you want to them to freeze in this house with no heating in the floor!
Thing my grandmother and I agree on: The best part of Super Bowl is the commercials.
Thing my grandmother and I do not agree on: Her talking through all of the commercials.
Great-grandma: You ever look at this [Regis & Kelly]?
Me: I’m never up this early.
And then they left and I did a tour jeté.
In addition to learning my grandmother’s philosophy on life, my great-grandmother’s veggie enchilada recipe, and that Super Bowl cruises exist, I also learned that I can’t get married because I cannot live (i.e. share a bathroom) with another human being person for an indeterminate amount of time. I’m gonna need him to have his own house. Or, because I am amenable to compromise, we can have one house, but it needs 2 wings, with hourly shuttle service between them.