You have the privilege of being the luckiest animal during the Year of the Metal Rabbit. It’s about time! (Damn right it is.) Last year might have been a bit hectic. (A bit.) However, all that planning and patience has finally paid off. (Aww patience. Remember that time that…never mind.) You deserve the break, Pig. (I do.) Short of multimillion dollar lottery winnings and total world domination, 2011 should bring many things to be thankful for. I’ll bet you’re nice and settled in a fulfilling career (not exactly…), a satisfied relationship (umm…), and a happy home (a nice home). If not, those things are probably on their way. (Please.) Remember to share you successes with the ones you love. Keep striving for inner balance and self-acceptance. Internalize the goodness around you and know you deserve it.
The world is your brunch buffet. Have you tried everything yet? (Food metaphors about life? More please!) Feel free to feast on all the flavors you can this year when it comes to your professional life. Perhaps you’ll finally make strides in the work you’ve always wanted to do. (IT WOULD BE ABOUT TIME.) Lifelong dreams can be realized this year so reach for yours with confidence. Have you written the next great American novel? (Not yet.) Discovered a cure for cancer? (I think it will have to do with bacon.) Composed a symphony? Don’t be surprised if your efforts are greatly rewarded. You’ve waited a long time for this. (Yes, I have.) Enjoy the well-deserved recognition.
You might feel like you finally know the meaning of domestic bliss in 2011. You and the Rabbit are of the same affinity group, Rabbit-Sheep-Pig (I’m in an astrological ménage à trois), so relationships will probably be harmonious this year. Marriage, moving in together, or babies could be part of the equation. Are you ready? (NO. GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????) Make sure you’ve worked out all the kinks in your relationship before you set things in stone. If you’re single, you might meet a special someone with lasting potential this year. (Like someone who makes their own bacon. That someone would be very special. The special-est.) Relationships started now could be very favorable, so be prepared to mingle.
With all the excitement going on, don’t forget to take care of your health this year. If you’re a typical Pig, you might be tempted to overindulge, especially in celebration of good things. (But chocolate chip cookies are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!) This could wreak havoc on your digestive system (which already treats me like Chris Matthews treats Tea Party members), so be good to your body. Nurture it with plenty of fruits, veggies, whole grains, and vitamins. Eat organic whenever possible. Drink plenty of water. You’ll need strength and stamina to get through this year. Make sure you don’t tax your system by having too good of a time! (Yes! And I will learn how to be a good sleeper!)
Your hard work during the year of the Tiger should bring money your way in 2011. (Sweet mother of God please and thank you.) There will be several occurrences of Triple Metal days — where the element of the year, month, and day all match. Since Metal is the element most closely affiliated with wealth, you might see your bank account get a boost. (My bank account could use a trampoline, a jetpack and a 4Loko.) Not only that, a few Triple Rabbit days could be favorable for you since you’re in the same affinity group as this year’s animal. Make a list of things you want to buy (bacon), do (eat bacon), or see (other people also eating bacon) that will cost money. (Oh. Perhaps I should have finished the sentence first.) Figure out how many things are feasible and put away the money now. There should be enough to go around.
**After the disappointments of last year, let’s hope that the Year of the Rabbit is all it’s cracked up to be. **