“You know when you’re trying to figure out how you feel about something?”

My cousin is pregnant with her second baby. Considering how the first one came out, can you blame her? Seriously, that kid…I can’t even. Anyway.

Focus.

I asked her, “Did I invent that you’d said you didn’t want to have kids?”

And that was her answer, that you make a decision about something because it’s the right thing at the time but later, maybe you reevaluate.  “You know what I mean?” she asked, and I had to laugh because yes, I do. I’m wondering the same thing myself. I’m trying to figure out how I feel about something.

Not questioning whether I did the right thing, because I know that I did, but maybe the right thing at that time isn’t the same thing as the right thing now. Am I so wrapped up owning my disappointment that I’m letting it overshadow what I really want? Or am I just trying to “undo” a difficult decision?

I don’t know.

I’m just trying to figure it out.

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About J.

A former twentysomething with a head full of curls and heart full of questions wondering: when we get to nirvana, will there be food?
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