Querido Señor,

Telling me that you once dated a Black girl (when I didn’t ask) at some unspecified point in history (because I didn’t care) does not mean that you “know what’s up.” (You do know how to smell like alcohol in the afternoon though!) I will have you know that the Get Up on the Get Down: Outsiders’ Guide to the Inner Workings of the Black Female Mind (because there is only one, like the Highlander or decent season of Heroes) is updated every 6 months. You really should keep up! (And maybe spend less time hitting on girls and more addressing what I, the daughter of an alcoholic, can already sense is a growing addiction to fermented drink. You’re not even a musician!)

Sincerely,
The girl you tried to catcall in Spanish who surprised you by being able to answer back